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<p>This evening, I came home from the archery range and before plugging my phone in, I checked facebook. As I was scrolling, I learned that my dad’s cousin’s wife’s mother died this morning from COVID. I’ve only recently connected with Dad’s extended family, and only last month did I meet his cousin and his cousin’s [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Dear Dad, Yesterday would have made you very happy. You would have enjoyed Biden’s Inauguration. I know how much you wanted him to be president. Five years ago, you were disappointed when he opted not to run for president. You were upset because you thought the DNC had discouraged him. “It’s a woman’s turn,” you [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Two weeks ago, on the morning of January 6, I opened G3’s social studies textbook to begin our lesson of the day. It just so happened that we had recently finished the unit on the American Revolution and were now studying the Constitutional Convention. My son — having watched Hamilton, gone to the National Archives [&hellip;]</p>

<p>It was a year ago — last Martin Luther King Day — that my son saw his grandfather for the last time. We drove to Queens on Saturday afternoon after our taekwondo classes. By the time we got on the road, it was snowing. By the time we reached the bridge it was coming down [&hellip;]</p>

<p>After eleven days off for winter break, G3 found it difficult to return to our homeschool routine this morning. The fact that he had trouble falling asleep last night didn’t help. When we arrived at our New Jersey classroom, he was tired, cranky, and in absolutely no mood to do anything academic. Around noon, we [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Overall, my son seemed to be handling his grandfather’s death rather well. We had gotten through several holidays, and Dad’d death didn’t seem to blight them for him as they did for me and Mom. Then we rang in a new year, wished him a happy birthday, and the sorrow settled in. Without being able [&hellip;]</p>

<p>For the last several years, New Year’s Eve has been a day of stress. A day to clean, shop, decorate, and prepare for my son’s birthday party. Every year on his birthday — New Year’s Day — we had a party from him in which his grandparents would visit. Every year, my parents looked forward [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Nine months ago, I took Dad to the hospital. It was the last time I ever saw him. I’m still haunted by the fact that I never gave him a hug. I never told him, one last time, that I loved him. Christmas this year has been incredibly difficult. Christmas Eve especially was hard. This [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Of course today was the biggest snowstorm we’ve had in a few years and I completely neglected to pack any of our snow clothes. I guess, when we left New Jersey on Thanksgiving, snow was nowhere on my radar. Thankfully, Mom has not yet gotten rid of Dad’s clothes. Sure his boots are too big [&hellip;]</p>

<p>My son got it into his head that the only books worth reading in “school” are classics. Maybe, somehow, this is my fault. My father used to call me a literary snob. It’s true — to a degree. I can’t tolerate bad writing, and I do appreciate many of the old books. However, I still [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Eight years ago, we — Mom, Dad, my son, and I — were in Manhattan. It was our annual Christmas Tree trip. But that year, on the way home, we detoured to Central Park to visit the zoo. I remember this clearly, because while we were walking in the park, my spouse called. I answered [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I’m finding it impossible to muster any Christmas cheer this year. I have no interest in decorating, or singing, or taking care of Christmas cards, all things I will eventually have to do so that my son doesn’t end up disappointed. However, I’ve never been good at acting. And I don’t know where I will [&hellip;]</p>

<p>One afternoon, about a month ago, my son suggested that we skip the chapter in the social studies textbook that discusses the American Revolution. He argued that it would be boring. Since he already knew all about the war, we should spend time learning something new. I know he knows a great deal about war. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>We have an interested buyer for our condo. It looks like we’ll be getting out of Bedminster soon. YAY! I’ve been wanting out of that condo for years. I never really liked it. It was supposed to be a temporary home. But I got stuck there for fourteen years. Getting out of Bedminster really isn’t [&hellip;]</p>

<p>When I was a child, I always looked forward to December 6 — the Feast of St. Nick. According to my cousin, celebrating St. Nick is a tradition that my great-great-grandmother brought to America from Kohlberg, Germany in 1894. Like Santa, St. Nick brings gifts, chocolate, and fruit to children who hang a stocking by [&hellip;]</p>

<p>My son was supposed to compete in a tournament today. It wasn’t just any tournament. You had to qualify to participate. For him, it was a big deal. As you know, for months my son didn’t practice taekwondo because he hates Zoom. In September, I found him a school in New York that taught live [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Thanksgiving weekend was as good as it could have been considering it was our first Thanksgiving without Dad. I’m glad my brother recommended we spend the weekend in Cape Cod. This way I could pretend it was simply a mini-vacation and not Thanksgiving. If we had spent the weekend at home, in New York, Mom [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Today was pleasant. Though there were several times I found myself missing Dad and wishing he were with us. If he were alive, he’d have enjoyed the day. But if he were alive, we’d be in New York, not here. &nbsp; I slept later than usual. After not sleeping the night before and getting to [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I am enraged. I am certain I’ve never felt this level of anger in my life, and I’ve been angry many times. Yesterday, I was thinking about what I was thankful for. My plan was to write about the good things I have, despite this being the crappiest year of my life. I intended to [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I’m not a good science teacher. I’ve known that from the start. It’s the one subject that concerned me about pulling my son out of public school for this pandemic year. I lack knowledge, but more importantly, I lack enthusiasm. Yes, I tried faking it, but those of you who know me, know that faking [&hellip;]</p>