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<p>For the last several years, New Year’s Eve has been a day of stress. A day to clean, shop, decorate, and prepare for my son’s birthday party. Every year on his birthday — New Year’s Day — we had a party from him in which his grandparents would visit. Every year, my parents looked forward [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Nine months ago, I took Dad to the hospital. It was the last time I ever saw him. I’m still haunted by the fact that I never gave him a hug. I never told him, one last time, that I loved him. Christmas this year has been incredibly difficult. Christmas Eve especially was hard. This [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Of course today was the biggest snowstorm we’ve had in a few years and I completely neglected to pack any of our snow clothes. I guess, when we left New Jersey on Thanksgiving, snow was nowhere on my radar. Thankfully, Mom has not yet gotten rid of Dad’s clothes. Sure his boots are too big [&hellip;]</p>

<p>My son got it into his head that the only books worth reading in “school” are classics. Maybe, somehow, this is my fault. My father used to call me a literary snob. It’s true — to a degree. I can’t tolerate bad writing, and I do appreciate many of the old books. However, I still [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Eight years ago, we — Mom, Dad, my son, and I — were in Manhattan. It was our annual Christmas Tree trip. But that year, on the way home, we detoured to Central Park to visit the zoo. I remember this clearly, because while we were walking in the park, my spouse called. I answered [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I’m finding it impossible to muster any Christmas cheer this year. I have no interest in decorating, or singing, or taking care of Christmas cards, all things I will eventually have to do so that my son doesn’t end up disappointed. However, I’ve never been good at acting. And I don’t know where I will [&hellip;]</p>

<p>One afternoon, about a month ago, my son suggested that we skip the chapter in the social studies textbook that discusses the American Revolution. He argued that it would be boring. Since he already knew all about the war, we should spend time learning something new. I know he knows a great deal about war. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>We have an interested buyer for our condo. It looks like we’ll be getting out of Bedminster soon. YAY! I’ve been wanting out of that condo for years. I never really liked it. It was supposed to be a temporary home. But I got stuck there for fourteen years. Getting out of Bedminster really isn’t [&hellip;]</p>

<p>When I was a child, I always looked forward to December 6 — the Feast of St. Nick. According to my cousin, celebrating St. Nick is a tradition that my great-great-grandmother brought to America from Kohlberg, Germany in 1894. Like Santa, St. Nick brings gifts, chocolate, and fruit to children who hang a stocking by [&hellip;]</p>

<p>My son was supposed to compete in a tournament today. It wasn’t just any tournament. You had to qualify to participate. For him, it was a big deal. As you know, for months my son didn’t practice taekwondo because he hates Zoom. In September, I found him a school in New York that taught live [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Thanksgiving weekend was as good as it could have been considering it was our first Thanksgiving without Dad. I’m glad my brother recommended we spend the weekend in Cape Cod. This way I could pretend it was simply a mini-vacation and not Thanksgiving. If we had spent the weekend at home, in New York, Mom [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Today was pleasant. Though there were several times I found myself missing Dad and wishing he were with us. If he were alive, he’d have enjoyed the day. But if he were alive, we’d be in New York, not here. &nbsp; I slept later than usual. After not sleeping the night before and getting to [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I am enraged. I am certain I’ve never felt this level of anger in my life, and I’ve been angry many times. Yesterday, I was thinking about what I was thankful for. My plan was to write about the good things I have, despite this being the crappiest year of my life. I intended to [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I’m not a good science teacher. I’ve known that from the start. It’s the one subject that concerned me about pulling my son out of public school for this pandemic year. I lack knowledge, but more importantly, I lack enthusiasm. Yes, I tried faking it, but those of you who know me, know that faking [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Yesterday, I passed my taekwondo midterm, which means in ten weeks — barring catastrophe or tragedy or some other evil — I will be able to test for my black belt. But it is 2020 and just because the timeline says I should be able to test, I’m not banking on or counting on anything. [&hellip;]</p>

<p>When my alarm went off this morning, my dream left me feeling disoriented, confused, and angry. At the start of the dream, Mom and I were at church. In my head, it was supposed to be Sacred Heart, the church I grew up in, the one my mom still goes to, but I could tell [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I miss Dad badgering me about what he could give my son for Christmas. This is the time of year he’d start calling me and asking me to give him some gift ideas. My son has never been easy to shop for.&nbsp; Books and Legos and “fancy clothes” — and that one year he wanted [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I am proud of my son. The boy who hates all things Zoom, wanted to compete in a virtual taekwondo tournament yesterday. He did well, considering for months he refused to take virtual classes and he was more nervous than ever. He wasn’t nearly as crisp as he had been back in February — at [&hellip;]</p>

<p>I have sunk to a new low — using Facebook posts to influence my lesson plans. Or maybe, the fact that I get inspiration from social media is a testament to the sort of friends I keep. Intelligent literary minds think alike.&nbsp; Last month, Trump announced his Supreme Court nomination in the Rose Garden. Days [&hellip;]</p>

<p>Pennsylvania declared Biden the winner today which gives him the 270 electoral votes he needs. When I read online that Biden was the President-Elect, I didn’t cheer. I didn’t even smile. I sat down on the kitchen floor and I cried. Because all I wanted to do was pick up the phone and call Dad. [&hellip;]</p>