Day 258

Thanksgiving weekend was as good as it could have been considering it was our first Thanksgiving without Dad. I’m glad my brother recommended we spend the weekend in Cape Cod. This way I could pretend it was simply a mini-vacation and not Thanksgiving. If we had spent the weekend at home, in New York, Mom and I would definitely have cried the entire time. Up in the Cape we got to have some fun, even though moments of missing Dad did creep in.

Yesterday morning, I wanted to watch the sun rise. I woke up in time, but the sky was covered in clouds. There would be no sun to see, and so I went back to sleep. When I finally woke up again, my son and I headed to the breakwater for breakfast. Once again we ate the crumb cake he had made and we sat on the rocks enjoying the scenery. We then walked across the breakwater and down the beach to Long Point Lighthouse. It was a beautiful day. Warm for November and perfect to be outside. While we have visited many lighthouse in Cape Cod through the years, this was our first trip to Long Point. Roundtrip, the walk took three hours. By the time we finished my son was tired and eager to see his uncle’s dogs. So we headed over to my brother’s.

Once there we visited with mom. We played cards and my brother cooked dinner. After we ate, we spoke to my cousins on a Zoom chat. Mom and my brother met Dad’s first cousin and her daughter — my second cousin — for the first time. I only learned of their existence a year ago, and it was shortly after that I met them at my son’s taekwondo tournament in New Hampshire. My spouse also joined the call. It was an extremely pleasant conversation. I wish I had known them growing up, but I am grateful I’m getting to know them now. I only wish Dad had been here to join in the conversation. He would have enjoyed it immensely.

This morning, the sky was clear so my son and I were able to watch the sun rise. After which we played a round of Scrabble — he won — and then we headed off to his favorite breakfast spot. Before heading home, we stopped by my brother’s so my son could spend some time with the dogs and so we could say goodbye to my mother and brother. When we finally got on the road, my son cried. He didn’t want to leave. He loves Cape Cod, and if given the chance he would have stayed — forever.

We are now in Mattituck. We can’t go home because my spouse has Covid, and we’re hoping I got our son out of the condo before it infected him. On Wednesday, immediately after getting a positive test result, my spouse called her principal to inform him. It’s now Sunday and she still has not heard from him. He probably didn’t want to be bothered with her during the holiday weekend. He didn’t want his plans ruined and didn’t care that in forcing her to work in person he ruined more than just her holiday. Maybe he’s ignoring her because if you ignore cases then you don’t have to report them, and non-reported cases enable schools to operate as if there isn’t a problem. I’ll be curious, when the pandemic ends, to learn how many schools fudged the data. How many schools ignored cases in order to keep their doors open? I learned from a teacher friend of mine that her school also increased contact hours with students as cases were rising. Why, I wonder, wasn’t this taken into consideration? Did superintendents not realize that with community cases on the rise, teachers would be at a greater risk, especially if they spent more time with students?

This week, I was supposed to help my spouse pack up the condo so that the realtor could start showing it next weekend. We were supposed to store the boxes with a neighbor. Because my spouse had to teach in-person, because it was demanded of her that she make lives easier for other working parents, her life got more complicated. Obviously, I can’t be there to help her pack. She’s completely overwhelmed with all the work she has to do, and I’m 150 miles away where I can’t do anything but lend her an ear when she calls. I feel as if we — as a family — have gotten slammed harder than most during this pandemic. Dad dying is a nightmare. It shouldn’t have happened. My son was too young to lose his grandfather, the man who meant everything to him. But our misery didn’t end there. I lost my job. We couldn’t move when we originally intended. And now, my spouse is ill. Her illness will cause my son to miss his taekwondo tournament which he had been super excited about. And her illness is forcing us to live apart during a season that will be incredible painful for me and my son. I sure hope all the selfish parents out their realize that their demands for in-person teaching have caused pain and suffering for the families of teachers. I hope they appreciate the fact that my child is missing out on time with this mother, a tournament, and several pre-Christamas traditions because they refuse to care for their own children.

Technically, my son and I should also be quarantining since we were in close contact with someone who tested positive. But parents don’t give a shit about teachers. Politicians don’t give a shit about teachers. The pressure parents have applied, combined with the decisions made by politicians have demonstrated my family isn’t important. As long as parents get free day care, they don’t care about the impact the virus has on others. So give me one good reason why we should care about them? My spouse wouldn’t be sick if she were permitted to do her job from home. If she hadn’t been forced to babysit, she wouldn’t be infected and contagious. So to all those politicians who don’t give a shit about my spouse or my family, well, why should I stay home? Why should I make my son a prisoner in his grandmother’s house? His mental health matters too. You already stole his tournament from him. I’m not keeping him locked up for two weeks, especially since he tested negative. Sorry. He’s suffered enough. I’m not making him more miserable than he already is. For months, I did what I was supposed to do while other people were living their lives as if there wasn’t a pandemic, as if people weren’t dying. We did everything we were supposed to do. And yet we keep getting hurt because other people do as they wish. Dad died because Trump cared more about the economy than Dad’s life. My spouse is sick because politicians care more about the economy than the well being of teachers. And our family is hurting financially because I lost my job — all this putting the economy first has done us no good. Worst of all, my family is suffering because my spouse was forced to sacrifice her own son while making other kids a priority.