Nashua Tournament

Dear Dad,

You called it. When I initially decided to go back to Taekwondo to earn my black belt, you said, “It won’t be long until you start competing, too. You won’t be able to resist. Competing has always meant too much to you.” Well, you were right. You always did know me better than anyone else. It just took a little longer than you expected, because when you spoke those words in November of 2019, we had no idea what the next several years would be like. We had no idea that the pandemic would derail so many things—like one full tournament season and then my training due to lack of funds—that you would die, and that you wouldn’t be there  to watch me compete in my first tournament. I know if you were alive you would have come, if not on Saturday, then definitely to a tournament closer to home. You had even said at one point that if I couldn’t afford the tournament fees, you would have paid for me. Now that I’m working full-time, the cost was not a problem. But I would have loved it if you could have been there on Saturday—like you always were when I was a kid playing basketball and softball. 

For a year now, I’ve been saying that once I got a job I would go back to Taekwondo. I love watching G3 compete, but each time I took him to a tournament, I wanted to get on the mat myself. I’ve never been much of a spectator when it comes to sports. Playing has always been more fun than watching. And while I enjoy watching G3—and I wouldn’t miss it for the world—there was always so much down time at the tournaments, that it made my body twitchy. I didn’t want to sit, if I could be sparring instead. Finally, I got the opportunity to see if I could hold my own in a ring with women my age. 

Usually, on tournament days, we take G3 out for breakfast—he likes pancakes and hot chocolate before he competes—and then we head over to the venue for G3 to warm up and mentally prepare for his competition. But this time, we needed to get there by 7:30—much earlier than usual—because I needed to be there to sign in at the Black Belt meeting. An early arrival meant a super early wake-up time. None of us are used to getting up at 5:15 on the weekend, but my family was really supportive and no one complained. I had told G3 that years ago, back when I used to compete in track and field in college, I used to listen to “Zombies,” by the Cranberries before every meet. It was one of my warm-up songs. The moment we got in the car, he pulled the song up on Pandora to play it for me. I thought that was extremely sweet of him. 

I was nervous—really, really, really nervous. The ring was small, only five women in total and I was hoping that I could place in at least one event. I expected forms to be my weakest event, the one I had the least chance of placing in. I am definitely not my son. He has grace and flexibility, and a memory that makes me jealous. I have none of that. Besides, I only just learned the first degree form less than a month ago. G3 taught me. He was not the most gentle teacher. Every time I did something wrong, he whacked me with a bahng-mahng-ee (the padded stick used for combat sparring). But I think the technique worked because my body mostly did what it was supposed to. My biggest concern was that I would step into the ring and completely forget the form or that I’d do the wrong move and throw myself off. But I only forgot one yell and one hand technique. It wasn’t perfect, but overall I did better than I expected to. Good enough to take third place. 

I was less nervous about combat sparring and sparring. I didn’t have to remember any moves. I just had to stay on my toes and fight. The first combat match was intense. It was close and I did not expect to win. I came from behind to tie the match at 9. The last point could have gone either way. I’m not even sure who hit who first, but the judges called the point for me. I then went on to win the second match to take first place. I also took first in sparring. My old body didn’t let me down. I know if you were there you would have been rolling your eyes and smiling. You were always proud of how quickly I could pick up new sports. It would not have surprised you that I did so well my first time on the mat. Now the question is, will I be able to keep it up in the future at bigger tournaments with more competitors?

After I competed, we went out for breakfast. I had been so nervous before my events that I would not have been able to eat then, but I was plenty hungry afterwards. I had an omelet. G3 got a pancake along with biscuits and gravy. When we returned to the venue—the local YMCA—it was far more crowded than when we left. Kati and I found a place to sit and G3 warmed up by playing basketball with a friend.

G3’s new uniform finally came in. (We ordered it in July.) It has his title on the back—District Champ for forms. It also has his name: Mr.—because he is in Legacy (the instructor training program)—and Jaeger III. G3 specifically requested that his uniform have III; it was very important to him. He always liked being named after you and letting the world know. The new uniform also has a red collar because he passed the first level test on the road to being an instructor. I wish you were here to see the uniform. You would have been so proud of him. And you would have loved to see the III on his back.

You would have been even more proud to see him compete. Even though it was a B tournament, G3 was going up against one of the best forms competitors in his division. He rose to the occasion. Kati thinks it was his best forms performance to date. He definitely looked crisp and his balance was incredible. He took first place. He also took first in weapons. I think he enjoys the theatrics of the Gum-do form. His control has improved and when he swings and stabs he does so with the intensity of someone going in for a kill.

The rest of the tournament didn’t go as well as G3 had hoped. He took second in combat and he didn’t place at all in sparring.

After he finished competing we went out for ice cream with friends. It was a fun way to celebrate everyone’s victories. 

Yesterday, when we got home, we went shopping for a Christmas tree. We were extremely disappointed in what we found. At the first Home Depot we went to, there wasn’t much to choose from. And the trees they did have were either turning brown at the bottom or they had too many gaps along the trunk. Plus, all the trees were starting to dry out. So we went to another Home Depot. They had even less to choose from. We finally settled on one because it was the best one there, and it was either that or a fake tree, and neither G3 nor I wanted a fake tree. The branches aren’t as strong and sturdy as they usually are when we have more to choose from. Hopefully, it will hold our ornaments and last until Christmas. I can’t believe this is our third Christmas without you. It all still feels very unreal. I just can’t get as excited about the holiday as I used to get. 

I  miss you!