Mama – Day 76

I had been looking forward to a family day. A day away from this condo, across state lines, doing something fun. But when you have a kid, things don’t always go according to plan. We crossed into Pennsylvania with the intention of hiking at Ralph Stover State Park. However, from the moment we stepped out of the car, my son made it clear that he did NOT want to go hiking. He complained about being there, he complained that he couldn’t have a rest day — almost every day, for the last 76 days, has been a rest day — he complained that he always had to do what we told him to o, he complained that he was too old to be treated like a child. I hoped that once we started to walk, once we were in motion, he’d settle down a bit. He didn’t. At a crossroads, we let him choose which way to go, but that wasn’t enough. He then wanted to hike down a precarious slope. It was not the safest route. We said no, and the storm of his anger rumbled around us. If you’re going to make me hike you could at least like me walk where I want. I don’t even want to be here. I’m too old for family days. I’m growing up. I’m not a kid. I need my independence. I want time to myself. 

We hadn’t even walked a quarter of a mile and my anger was rising to meet his. I look at him and said, “We’re going home. Let’s go. And you can have all the time you want to yourself. But no television. None for the rest of the day.” 

Defiantly, he crossed his arms, “I don’t care.” And so he lost television for tomorrow too.

Less than fifteen minutes after we got out of the car, we were back on the road heading back home. I was silently fuming until my son fell asleep. I have no idea what set him off. I’m sure Dad’s death is playing into the equation. Dad dying is probably the worst thing that could have happened in his young life, especially at a time when the world feels like it’s falling apart. At time when he is cut off from friends and all of his activities. Back in the life we were living before the pandemic shut everything down, today would have been the district championships for taekwondo. Before my parents left for their cruise down in Patagonia, my son asked Dad if he would come to the tournament which was scheduled to take place in Lancaster. Dad promised he’d be there. But there was no tournament. And Dad will never go to anything again. My son lost his number one fan. And I wondered aloud to my spouse, “Do you think he’s suddenly trying act grown up because he feels that if he’s not a little kid he won’t need his grandfather as much. Do you think it’s an attempt to compensate for his pain.” She shrugged, and said, “That’s possible. I hadn’t even thought of that, but yeah.”

There was no television for the day which meant no movie. But no movie is impossible because we know our son would simply protest and refuse to go to bed which meant that we wouldn’t get a movie either. Our tactic — which we’ve employed before — is to have a moms movie night which means we get to choose the movie, and our son gets to chose whether he’d rather go to bed or be bored by our pick. He always chooses the movie. In the wake of Floyd’s murder and the protests, my spouse wanted to watch a movie that would speak to the current events. I suggested American History X — one of my favorite movies. We were all set to watch it too, until I asked for recommendations on Facebook for movies that deal with racism. One friend recommended, The Hate U Give. Watching the preview, my spouse decided we’d watch that one instead. It seemed the most relevant to today’s events. 

About twenty minutes into the movie, my son asked, “Is this real?” And suddenly we were thrust back ten weeks, to the beginning of the pandemic, when we decided to watch Contagion. While watching that movie, we had to keep reminding our son that it was fictional since there were moments it seemed like we were watching CNN. Tonight, was similar. I answered, “No.” But then I explained that the story is fictional, the characters are made up, but the plot is real. White cop killing black boy. We see it all the time. And then the protests and riots that followed — when the movie ended and we turned on CNN, it’s like we were watching the same show. And yet, nothing ever changes. 

Except now our watchlist is filled with movies recommended by friends. Movies we can use as a tool to discuss racism with our son.

Snapshot Rewind

2011-2016: Mom enjoyed buying my son clothes. Twice a year — usually Labor Day weekend, and Easter week — Mom and Dad would take us shopping at the Tanger Outlets in Riverhead. My son, like most little kids, hated to shop. So while Mom and I looked around and picked out the clothes we liked, Dad would take his grandson out to sit on the quarter rides that were strategically placed around the outlets. He loved those rides. Dad must have spent a small fortune on them through the years, but he enjoyed watching his grandson have fun.