Camp Running Bear

Dear Dad,

After more than 30 years, I finally got to go on a Boy Scout camping trip and when I got home there was only one person I really wanted to call. If you were alive, I suspect we would have had a very long conversation. 

I remember very clearly you coming home from camping trips with my brother and complaining about how miserable the trip the was. You hated the cold and sleeping in a cabin with other people. You were relentless in emphasizing how bitter the cold was, how little you slept. I thought part of the reason you hated the cold was because you were old. At the time, I was only a kid in high school, and my conception of old is much different than it is now. But in my head, I still thought of you being the old man weathering the cold to be the good father — the fun father. Then last Thursday, after checking the weather and realizing I’d be camping in 25 degrees, it occurred me that you were younger than I am now when you went camping with my brother. And let me tell you, that made me feel really, really, old. But it also made me realize, age probably had little to do with your detestation of the cold and camping in general. Unlike you, I have already spent many days camping, and while I’ve never camped in the late fall, I did on occasion spend nights shivering in my sleeping bag. I packed warm clothes, but I didn’t allow myself to dwell on the cold. If you survived, so would I.

This was supposed to be a city trip. We were camping in Baltimore County, but we were supposed to spend Saturday exploring the Inner Harbor in Baltimore City. G3 and I were both really excited about the trip, even though we’ve both been there before. The group plan was to leave New Jersey at 5:00 on Friday night. I hate driving in rush hour traffic and since I’m homeschooling G3, I decided he and I would make a day of it. Why go down with the group if we didn’t have to? A field trip to Annapolis — especially since he had never been there — would be more fun than school.

We got up our usual time, but after my work out, we got on the road. We hit our favorite bagel place for breakfast, although G3 opted for an apple muffin instead. It was a long drive, but the both of us are used to it. He absolutely hates my music, so I compromised with him and told him we could alternate CDs. He would have preferred choosing all the music, but we didn’t want me falling asleep. We made good time and even though I had to pay at a meter, parking was not difficult to find. Nor was it expensive.

There is an Adventure Lab Cache in Annapolis. Since we were only going to have a couple of hours to explore, we made that our goal. It was a fun one. It took us on a tour through the city to see five historic houses, including the State House. What I love about these adventures caches is that many of them have a historical focus which means I get to learn something. And I love learning, especially history. The Maryland State House is the oldest US State Capitol which has been in continuous use. It is also — and I didn’t know this despite years of studying history — where the Treaty of Paris, ending the Revolutionary War, was ratified. While we were there, G3 wanted to do some traditional caches as well. We had a good day, finding all four that we looked for. 

I enjoyed my time in Annapolis. I think G3 did as well. It’s a quaint touristy place with lots of souvenir shops, and you know G3 loves souvenir stores. I bought him a patch and ice cream. G3 thought it was too small to be a city. He said it felt more like a town. I agreed with him. He liked doing the caching so much, he wanted to walk across one of the bridges to do more, but we needed to get to Baltimore where we were meeting one of my friends.

Our visit was Evelyn and her husband was lovely. We had a fantastic time, and G3 was not only well behaved, he was engaging. He told stories and kept us all laughing. They took us out for Greek food for dinner and G3 ordered lamb chops. I was worried he wouldn’t like them, but he did. That would have made you happy. He said it was one of the most enjoyable meals he’s ever had and two days after the fact he’s still talking about how delicious the roasted potatoes were. Evelyn made baklava because she knows how much I like. But because she is an extremely kind person, she also made a plate for the scouts. G3 said last time she made it — a few years ago — I wouldn’t let him have any. That does not sound like me at all. I share everything with him. My memory has him not liking it. But whatever the reason was he didn’t eat it last time, this time around he couldn’t get enough of it. He even told me it was the best desert he’s ever had. The only thing that might have been better than the food was the conversation. It’s always fun to catch up with a friend you haven’t seen in awhile.

While we were walking around Annapolis, I got a distressing email from the Boy Scout troop. The jury found Kyle Rittenhouse not guilty on all accounts. I am not happy with the verdict. How does someone show up with an AR-15, shoot three people, — killing two of them — and then claim self defense? If you are walking around with a big gun, you aren’t there looking for peace. But the jury didn’t have a problem it. Anyway, due to the verdict, the Boy Scout Leaders feared there might be unrest in Baltimore. To error on the side of caution, the canceled the trip into the Inner Harbor. The camping trip was still on, but instead of journeying into the city they decided the scouts could remain at the camp and work on a few rank advancement requirements. A third of the scouts opted to stay home, but since we were already in Maryland that wasn’t an option for us. We were both extremely disappointed, but G3 didn’t let it ruin his weekend. His outlook was about as positive as it could be. As he pointed out, I had already taken him to Fort McHenry and Kati and I had promised him that if he didn’t get to go on this trip, we’d take him to Edgar Allen Poe’s house sometime later this school year. Since we’re going back as a family, he didn’t lose the city. It’s just been postponed. Knowing he wasn’t completely missing out, enabled him to focus on the fun he could have, instead of dwelling on what didn’t work out. 

We got to the campsite without difficulty and were the first one’s there. But we didn’t have to wait long. The others didn’t hit too much traffic leaving New Jersey. Since it was late by the time everyone arrived, the older scouts spoke to the younger ones briefly, advising them on how best to survive sleeping in the cold. They told them to put clean dry clothes on and to not breathe inside their sleeping bags. Yes, it might warm them up temporarily, but it would also bring moisture into the bags which would make them cold in the long run. Most importantly, they told them that food or anything else with a scent was forbidden in the cabins. Smells attract bears and no one would want to be woken up by a bear attack.

I did not sleep well. I think I need a new sleeping bag. Mine is nearly 20 years old. If I’m going to be doing more of these cold weather camping trips, I will have to buy a new one. Of course, as I was shivering in the night, I thought of you. If an afterlife exists, wherever you are, you were laughing at me. And the thought of you laughing made me smile. So despite the lack of sleep, I was not in a bad mood.

On Saturday, G3 went off with the Scouts to do an obstacle course. He was thrilled to report that he had the fastest time. He gets that streak of competitiveness from me. The scouts then moved on to doing some rank requirements. The adults sat around the wood stove in the mess hall and talked. You’d be proud of me. I actually socialized. I know it’s rare, but it meant a great deal to G3. He did, after all, lecture me. Telling me that I had to give a good impression of myself and not act like I hate people, as I usually do. I think I did okay. But it was while we were sitting around the fire, that I realized why, years after you had camped with my brother, you were able to look back and remember the camping trips fondly. Nostalgia and sentiment displaced misery and it’s probably because in your older age you were able to focus on the aspects that you liked. You always were very social, far more social than I, and so despite the cold, despite the horrible sleeping conditions, you probably enjoyed the camaraderie of hanging out with other fathers. 

Speaking of dads, you will be happy to know that Boy Scouts has relaxed their gender rules. Back when you were doing scouting actives with my brother, women were not permitted to attend. That’s changed. There are enough boys without dads or with moms who want to be present that moms can now go on these trips. I know how much you were looking forward to camping with G3. As always, you were happy to fill in for the dad he never had, and it would have been wonderful if COVID hadn’t prevented you from going. But at least G3 doesn’t always have to go alone. He won’t be the only kid without a parent to participate.

I love that the scouts do all the cooking on the camping trips. It was cool that they serve us, when in our every day lives, I’m always serving G3. And you would be immensely proud of your grandson, just as you were always proud of your son. G3 heard you tell enough stories about how his uncle always pitched in and worked hard. He did the same, and I wouldn’t be surprised if part of his motivation is you. Even though you aren’t here, he wants you to be proud of him. So every time a leader or an older scout asked him to do something — whether it was to collect sticks for the campfire or to sweep out the eating area — he did it immediately without complaint. 

This morning, I marveled at how independent he was. Last night, the younger scouts slept in tents instead of the cabins. It was in an effort to hit one more rank requirement. This morning, G3 was the only scout to have his personal gear packed and out of the tent before breakfast. I’ll take a little credit for that one. On our camping trips the last two summers, every morning we needed to pack up and move, G3 got used to stuffing his sleeping bag, rolling his sleeping pad, and bringing it all to the car the moment we nudged him awake. In breaking down camp today, he also proved he’s more than competent in taking down a tent and folding it up. Oh how I wish we could have called you on our way home to tell you about our experience. 

So, the trip was not what we had been looking forward to, but we both had fun anyway. I found that I could chat with the other parents — some of us even took a short hike together — and G3 realized that I am capable of being with him, and supporting him, but not smothering him. On the way home, he said, “You did a good job leaving me alone. You can come again. I think I’d like that.”

The weekend so completely exhausted him that he is now sound asleep on the couch.

I miss you!

PS — While we were camping, Shorts Magazine published a micro excerpt from my Nepal memoir. You can read it here: https://madmagz.com/magazine/1954254#/page/4

PPS — I too am tired from lack of sleep and I need to get to bed. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open so please forgive me my typos.