Easter Five Years Post-COVID

Dear Dad,

Easter continues to be sad. How does one go from having a holiday be their absolute favorite, to it becoming one that brings sorrow? I used to look forward to Easter with more excitement than Christmas. Now, it only accosts me with memories. It's a reminder of all that we lost, all that has changed.

On Saturday, G3 threw javelin at a track meet for the first time. He did well considering it was his first competition. It was a varsity meet and he’s only a freshman, so most of his competitors were far more muscular, which of course gave them a great advantage. He threw three times, and each throw went further. His coach told me that he was impressed with how well G3 absorbs information and incorporates what he’s told to do. G3 has always been very good when it comes to learning technique and getting his body to move a certain way. He’s coachable, and coaches love athletes who can listen and do as they are told.

After the meet, we drove to Queens to spend the weekend with Mom. The house still feels empty without you and the holiday feels hollow. Saturday, however, was gorgeous, so Mom and I took a walk while G3 stayed in to watch a movie. Mom couldn’t walk too far. She fell again, almost two weeks ago, in the Stop & Shop parking lot. She got a gash on her head above her eye and fractured her cheekbone. Instead of stitching her back together, the doctor in the ER opted to use glue to stop the bleeding. Her eye was black and blue and very swollen, but the swelling has gone down and the discoloration isn’t as severe as when it happened. Her friends from church rallied around her, picking her up at the hospital, and driving her to other appointments. I’m glad she has friends, people who care about her, since I live a state away. Anyway, she couldn’t walk too long on Saturday because her leg has been troubling her since the fall. 

When we got back from our walk, G3 colored eggs. I was a bit surprised that he still wanted to color them, since he’s now fifteen and seemingly too cool for many of the things he enjoyed when he was little. But he told me he wanted to do them. I was also surprised that he wanted me to hide them on Sunday morning. I always enjoyed hiding the eggs, even more than I enjoyed hunting for them as a kid. As I set about hiding them, I got lost in memories of years past, years we spent out in Mattituck. Those holiday weekends had been so special. I don’t think any of us expected them to end so soon. Even though G3 never says anything, I think he misses Easter the way it used to be. He misses you. 

Mom took us out for Easter dinner. We went to Nicks again, G3’s favorite place to eat in Queens. Neither G3 nor I wanted to leave, and mom wanted us to stay, but G3’s spring break was last week and he has to go back to school tomorrow. 

I still miss you!

(You can read more about Easter with Dad in my memoir Stolen: Love and Loss in the Time of COVID-19 which will be published in September by Unsolicited Press.)