When Silencing Others Is A Red Flag

My posts about a particular person in my son’s Boy Scout troop have generated so much heat that efforts are being made to silence me. In my last post regarding scouts, I asked a genuine question because I desperately want to understand why the people I’ve pissed off view things so differently than I do. I know my post made its rounds. I know the people I intended to reach read it, but no one took the time to clarify their position. To explain why my commentary was so explosive while the troop representative’s behavior was deemed acceptable. Instead of granting me the courtesy of responding so that I could better comprehend their thought process, leaders in the troop have decided they need to institute a social media policy that prohibits scouts and leaders from speaking negatively about others online. This new policy is undoubtedly meant to put a kibosh on my blogging. But, I am a writer. I wrote through a pandemic. I write every time I hit the road. I write to process grief and disappointment. I write to untangle the strands of my life that have only begun to make through a new lens. And I write even when I feel that doing so is pointless. Even when I swear that I’m done, that I’ll be better off if I never write again, I find myself back at the keyboard, fingers tapping keys in an unsteady rhythm, because I don’t know how not to do it. The pull to express myself through writing is all encompassing. Perhaps it’s because expressing myself verbally has always been a struggle.

Adults in the troop have apparently taken issue—and yes this is speculation considering no one answered my very direct question—with my depiction of the troop representative because they view my narrative as being nasty, untruthful, and belligerent. Is that right? I know you are reading even if you aren’t responding. From a certain perspective, I can see their point. My perspective, which I’ve already rehashed, is quite different. I am not attacking her. I am simply expressing my anger and discontent regarding her actions toward my son. However, the same leaders who wish to demonize me for expressing myself seem to have absolutely no problem with the troop representative having launched a smear campaign against my son a little over a year ago. 

Instead of seeking out the facts in an incident she “heard about” second or third hand from a child, she flew into a rage, relayed inaccurate information to the Scoutmaster Corps and Committee, and before a proper investigation could occur and fault could be determined, she demanded that my son lose his leadership position. In demanding that he be punished before the facts could be sorted out, she was in fact smearing his name, damaging his reputation, and inflicting emotional trauma on him. At the time, the Scoutmaster and one of the Assistant Scoutmasters refused to act until they could conduct an investigation of their own. They did not believe it was ethical to punish a scout based on information that not only might not be accurate, but that was delivered in a wrathful tone. As it turned out, the investigation could not substantiate the troop representative’s claims, proving they were most likely fictitious—or heavily exaggerated. 

Now, maybe I’m being unreasonable, maybe I’m delusional, or maybe it’s simply an occupational hazard, but I tend to believe that children should come first, that they should be protected, and made to feel safe, especially in a child-centered organization. And if an adult creates an environment that is hurtful or toxic to a child, that adult should be held accountable. My son’s reputation was put into question once the troop representative spread lies about him. And yes, they were lies because there was never any evidence to the contrary. These lies were never retracted and as a result adults and scouts in the troop continued to believe that my son should not retain his position as the senior patrol leader. His character had been called into question which caused tension between him and other scouts. As an active member of the troop, I witnessed other scouts being unkind to my son because they believed he should have been stripped of his position. Please explain to me why so few adults in the troop took issue with what the troop representative said about my son, and why there was no backlash when she demanded he be held accountable for crimes he didn’t commit. Yet my blog post is a problem.

At the moment, the adults are gathering around the troop representative because her feelings are hurt by what I wrote? But, what about my son’s feelings? She hurt him, yet her feelings somehow are considered more important than his. Keep in mind, the minor is the vulnerable party in this scenario. Do you see where this is going?

On one hand I’m angry that a post I wrote about my son’s Court of Honor was only partially read yet extensively criticized by people who never before cared about anything I blogged about. In that post, the troop representative’s name was not mentioned. Nor was my son’s troop identified. Unless the reader was in the troop, they would have no idea who I was talking about. Not a single one of my followers has any idea of the identity of the woman who besmirched my son’s name. That is more courtesy than she gave my son. She had no problem putting forth his name to connect it with acts of cruelty he didn’t commit. As to whether or not she told the truth regarding the details of my son’s Court of Honor, considering her history of spreading falsehoods regarding my son, I have no reason to trust her. Therefore, I’m apt to believe the church representative, the one who spoke to my spouse and told her the information given to us by the troop representative was faulty. Why would she lie to us? Maybe the better question is, why are you so certain that I’m trusting the wrong person? But none of that should matter because the nature of a blog post is one of opinion and personal experience. If you don’t agree, if you don’t like what I say, move on. It’s that simple.

On the other hand, I am incredibly concerned that this new social media policy wishes to silence me, wishes to prevent me from speaking out against a woman who wronged my son. This policy is meant to protect the perpetrator by muzzling the voice that chooses to expose the way in which she attempted to destroy a scout’s self-esteem and his experience in scouting. A scout was harmed—emotionally—and friends of the troop representative appear to be trying to prevent it from being known. Did you catch that? The troop representative and her friends are colluding to cover up her bullying actions toward a scout in an attempt to preserve her reputation and mollify her feelings. This is dangerous. Friendships should not trump an adult's responsibility to ensure the mental and emotional well being of the minors in their care. Scouting America should be a place where youth can feel safe, a place where they can grow, and not feel threatened by adults. It should be a place where the well being of the scouts takes precedence over a need to protect the fragile egos of adults.

But I’m a teacher by trade, and a mother. It’s possible I’ve just been indoctrinated to care about kids more than I should.