Thirteen

Dear Dad,

G3’s thirteenth birthday was quiet. He used to get so excited the morning of his birthday knowing that you and Mom were going to visit. From the moment he woke up, he’d ask when you were going to get there. His restlessness drove me nuts, but I’d give anything for him to be that excited again. It’s hard to believe that it was three years ago that you visited us for the last time. We had no idea it would be the last birthday you would celebrate with G3, the last party we’d be able to have for him. The day just hasn’t been the same since. There is an element of special that is gone forever. It isn’t fair that you didn’t get to live long enough to see G3 become a teenager. 

A teenager! Wow! I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was cuddling a little baby and now he’s almost as tall as me. 

The weather for his birthday was warm—for January—and beautiful and I suggested that we go outside and do something. I knew a hike was out of the question. G3 had too many other things he wanted to do on his birthday—games, presents, Legos—but I did think some outdoor time was needed. G3 suggested that we go to the park to try out the new drone Kati’s mother gave him. It was bit windy, but we went anyway, and G3 enjoyed flying it.

When we got home, G3 opened his presents. Actually, we let him open one present every hour so that the thrill of opening lasted a little longer. For dinner, G3 wanted crepes so Kati made them. Our crepe bar had strawberries and whipped cream, poached apples and homemade caramel, and bananas and homemade chocolate sauce. G3’s favorite were the poached apples and caramel. I only like bananas and chocolate, though I did enjoy some strawberries on the side.

Following dinner, we played games and then had cake. G3 said he had an enjoyable day, but I can’t help but wonder if he feels your absence as heavily as I do. I know Mom does. I’m guessing New Years Eve and Day are some of the hardest days for her. It is the only holiday that she is alone. The two of you always went out to dinner and to see a movie on New Year’s Eve and the last decade you had G3’s party on New Year’s Day to look forward to. If only Mom drove, she’d still be able to come here. But she doesn’t, so she ends up being all by herself. Also, in the days following the New Year, you and Mom used to go out to Mattituck. She misses that too—the change of scenery, someone to spend her time with. The New Year is just a reminder that she is entering another year without you.

G3 was up much of the night throwing-up. Initially, we thought he just ate too much—too much crap. But this morning, after we were all up and he had taken a shower, he asked if he could go to sleep in our bed. Our room is downstairs and I think he wanted to be on the same floor as us. He felt warm, so I took his temperature and he had a high fever. I gave him Tylenol and the fever came down, but he’s been in bed sleeping all day. At one point he told he me really wanted a cucumber. It’s all he wanted to eat, so of course I went out to the store to get one. I peeled it, cut it up, and the ate two slices before falling back to sleep. When we sat down to eat he joined us for a bit. He took a few bites of mashed potatoes and a couple of bites of sweet potato, but that was it. He returned to bed and promptly fell back to sleep. It looks like he’ll be staying home from school tomorrow.

I miss you!