Day 103

You know my son, you know how he is when it comes to fashion. He is by far the best dressed ten-year-old I know. Which translates into very long shopping excursions when we are trying to buy him clothes. He will spend ages looking at shirts, holding them up to pants, and trying to find things that match just right — according his specifications, which can be very different from yours or mine or society’s in general. There had been times in the past when we he insisted on a combination that we weren’t quite sure would go and so I would text a picture of the clothing in question to my Dad to get his input. Dad always enjoyed being part of the conversation when it comes to my son’s fashion tastes. On Wednesday, we were out shopping and my son asked if we could please buy him a new bathing suit. The one he had is too kid-ish and he wanted something for a bigger kid. I had no idea selecting a swim shirt and swim trunks could take so freaking long. He had to find what he liked and then compare various shirts to various trunks to see what matched best. And when he wasn’t sure and started to get anxious about what the best options were, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and just stared at the blank screen, wishing I could take pictures and send them to Dad. I’d have loved to know what he thought. But Dad’s not here anymore. We are on our own and so I put the phone away. My son narrowed down the swim shirts to a neon green and blue one. He was struggling to make a final decision until my spouse said, “You know, if you go with the green one you’ll be able to wander further away from us at the beach since we can see you better.” He smiled, and then handed me the blue one to return to the rack.

Mom called. She had no hot water last night when she took her shower. This morning the plumber came and told her she needed a new hot water heater. With everything else, this really is the last thing she needed. And of course, the top of the line model that she wanted to get is out of stock since the company cut down production during the pandemic. Therefore, she has to get the second best model which my father never would have done. He always bought the best. Mom does seem to be right, ever since Dad died, everything seems to be falling apart or breaking. And Mom is super lonely. I wasn’t going to return to New York until next month, but Mom sounds so sad every time I talk to her that I told her I’d come for a visit on Sunday. In all her life, she has never lived alone, and she lived with my Dad for 48 years. 

This afternoon, Governor Murphy issued guidelines for schools planning to reopen their doors in September. The guidelines require all teachers and staff to wear masks, but they will only be mandatory for students if they can’t social distance. If students keep six feet between themselves and others, mask are only recommended. This infuriates me. Masks should be mandatory for students all day every day. According to the scientists, it’s only when two people wear a mask that they are truly efficient. During this time of Covid, wearing a mask is a sign of respect. Students should be taught respect for others, including teachers and fellow classmates.

If not all students are required to wear a mask, then those that do wear them will get bullied by those who don’t. They will be taunted for being germaphobes. They will be laughed at for looking silly. And the really bad kids will pretend to cough of on others and mock them for taking things seriously. Kids will mimic their parents. If parents aren’t setting a good example, if they are ridiculing masks, then kids will repeat what the hear at home. Good kids, kids who’ve been taught to respect others, and kids who have already suffered great loss during the pandemic will become a target. And one of the arguments to reopen schools is that kids need to socialize. If they are going to be talking to each other, they should be covered up. It’s kindness. It’s curtesy. It’s selflessness. 

Also, let’s not forget about the teachers. Their health should be a main priority. If teachers get sick, who will do the teaching? If you have to wear mask to go into a store, or a bank, or any other business, then schools should not exempt anyone. Why do you want to protect grocery story workers but not teachers? Teachers will be facing a classroom of twenty-five kids or more. That’s twenty-five people breathing, coughing, and talking in their direction. Aren’t teachers supposed to walk around the classroom, and help students individually? Well, how do you expect that to happen if the students aren’t wearing masks. The fact that masks will not be required by the state is just proof that teachers are not respected. If my child is required to get vaccinated to attend a public school, well then your child should be required to wear a mask.

Because here’s the deal, my family has already suffered. My dad died. My son is still grieving the loss of his grandfather. My lungs still have not completely recovered from my battle with Covid. I don’t want my spouse exposed. I don’t want asymptomatic kids infecting her. I don’t want it my house again because of someone else’s selfishness or sense of entitlement. My spouse isn’t elderly, but she isn’t thirty-five either. If she gets sick it could be bad. I’m not willing to deal with that because someone’s child feels privileged or because they are uncomfortable wearing a mask. Because you know what is more uncomfortable than mask — death. Living with the death of a loved one, especially when their death should have been prevented, is far worse than wearing a mask. Death is permanent. A mask — if everyone does their part — is only temporary.

Interestingly enough, while Murphy was declaring masks necessary for teachers but not students, Texas and Florida slammed the brakes on their reopening, going as far as shutting down bars once again. The Covid cases in both states are flying out of control. The hospitals are now more popular than Disney. But people didn’t listen. They didn’t heed the warning coming out of New York. They wanted to rescue the economy instead of the people. And they refused to wear a fucking mask. I am so fed up with Americans. I am tired of the bullshit way they have twisted what it means to be free. And I am disgusted with their lack of consideration for anyone but themselves. 

On another note, New Feathers Anthology accepted two photos from my “Abandoned” series for their upcoming issue. It’s the first time (after much rejection) I’ve had my art accepted for publication. Again, I wish Dad were here so I could share the good news with him. I wish he were here to tell me, “Very nice.”