Crumb Cake

Dear Dad,

It has been a long time since I’ve had anything published. But today, Margate Bookie launched their new zine — Reset. Included in the issue is an essay about you titled “Crumb Cake.” Not only did they accept my work, the editor asked me to be part of the launch party. Despite my anxiety and how nervous I get talking to people, I eagerly agreed. I never miss an opportunity to talk about you. So today, at 2:30 I got to read my work to an audience over Zoom. Not surprising, I cried. I practiced reading the piece several times hoping that I might train my eyes to stay dry, but it was hopeless. Half-way through the essay, when I mentioned you dying two days after Easter, I couldn’t hold back the emotion. But I pushed through and managed to finish reading. The editor was fantastic. He said he was ready to jump and take over the reading if I got too emotional. If only I could hold my emotions together as well as G3, but I take after my mother, and crying is one of my few talents. The feedback I got from some of the written comments was lovely. Very encouraging. Several people said the essay was a nice tribute to you. One person said they looked forward to reading more of my work. I only wish you had been in the audience, but if you were still here then I suppose there wouldn’t have been an essay. You’d still be making the crumb cake and G3 would be happy eating it and spending time with you. I told Mom about the launch party, but I didn’t invite her to watch. The thought of trying to figure out how to use Zoom would have overwhelmed her and I didn’t want to cause her any more stress. Instead, I sent her the essay so she could read it.

I really miss you! I would so much rather you be here even if it meant I had nothing to write about.

You can download the zine here and find my essay on page 61: 

You can watch the launch party, including my emotional reading, here: