4-6-21

Shortly after Dad died, I started taking pictures of empty benches. Initially, they were in places that reminded me of Dad, places that he should still have been visiting with me. Each bench represented countless memories, so many wonderful experiences we shared together. But then my family and I took a road trip, and my photography project morphed. Whenever I came across an empty bench in even a semi-scenic place I took a picture. Those benches came to represent all the conversations I’d never have. The moments I desperately wanted to share with Dad, but no longer could. I wanted to tell him about our swim in Lake Huron when it was only 59 degrees, about my son’s excitement when we went kayaking on Lake Superior, and even about our random detour to Indianapolis to see Benjamin Harrison’s house. There were so many adventures, so many stories and I wanted to reach for the phone every damn time. 

When we got home, the adventure ended, but not the stories. And so I’m still taking pictures of empty benches, one for each story I’ll never get to share. Each time, my son rolls his eyes. He thinks I’m crazy. I’m his lunatic mother who runs around with a camera looped around my neck taking pictures of things no one cares about. No one except me.

Shortly after the new year, my project morphed again. This time, I started adding text to my pictures. Instead of keeping the stories  — the ones I couldn’t tell Dad — bottled up, I began writing him letters. Letters he’d never read, but somehow the pictures seemed more meaningful when paired with words. Still, my son makes fun of me, “Writing a letter to a dead person seems stupid” And so, instead of arguing with him, I suggested that maybe he’d like to participate. Take a picture of an empty bench or chair and write a letter to his grandfather. At first he grumbled, “Wherever he is now he sees everything anyway. Why write a letter?” But I kept taking pictures and writing and soon he wanted to be part of it.

On Easter, he took his Easter basket to the beach for a photoshoot. I guess that was his way of trying to be a little closer to his grandfather on such a sad day.

Here is his Empty Bench letter (Or you can see it on the Conversations on the Empty Bench website — https://conversationsontheemptybench.wordpress.com/2021/04/05/grandpa/):

Dear Grandpa,

I really miss you. I miss going to Mets’ games and going to get McDonalds together. 

I got my Arrow of Light last month for Cub Scouts. It was very exhilarating, happy, and sad when I bridged over to Boy Scouts. This was happy because it felt like a big accomplishment and sad because I had moved on. On every arrow, you get stripes of different color tape depending on the electives you did. The pack master almost ran out of room on my arrow because I had the most electives. The arrow hangs above my bed, and if I become famous, it will one day be in a museum.  

Last year, you texted me,” I will be there in spirit,” when you could not come to a taekwondo tournament. It really helped me this year. I know you are still with me in spirit. I am number one in the world in my age group with the weapons form! I have competed in every virtual tournament this season. I have decided that the oh-sung-do (the one handed sword) is the best weapon for me. I beat my arch nemesis T.J. Knox in traditional forms. He is my nemesis because he won first place in almost every tournament. Also in taekwondo, Mama got her black belt and mommy began doing classes again. I have now been a black belt for almost two years. In the autumn, I will test for second degree.  

Mama is actually interested in Marvel movies. She watched every movie and show with me. WandaVision was great, but Mama cried at the end because Vision’s and Wanda’s children died/disappeared. I would have preferred watching it with you because it would have been more fun. There is another Thor movie, a Black Widow movie, and another Spider Man movie coming out. There will also be another Iron Man movie. This Friday, The Falcon and the Winter solider is coming out on Disney Plus.

We have moved to a small town called Middlesex. I have my own room. I am going to get my own desk. I am able to set up the telescope you bought me to look at the night sky.  I bought a beanbag chair and a nest chair with my own money. They are really comfy. We are having company on Sunday. In the summer, we might be able to have barbecues. My moms allow me to bike around the town by myself. Since I have $78, I can go to Ritas, Seven Eleven, D&D, and Wendys on my own. I am now walking distance from my school. This means, next year, I can ride my bike or my skate board, or I could walk. 

My moms got me a bow and arrows for Christmas. Don’t worry, I have not shot my eye out. Every Friday, Mama and I go to Taco Bell to eat then we go to the archery range to shoot. 

Last summer, we went to all of the Great Lakes. My favorite was Lake Superior. Mommy got obsessed with the rocks there due to the smooth round edges and the bright colors.  

This year, Mama is homeschooling me. I have read The Hobbit, Born a Crime,  A Christmas Carol, and Treasure Island. The book we are now reading is Hunger Games. It was written by a woman, so according to you, it might be too descriptive. I have also written a short story called “The Wooden Horse.” I got the idea from one of Uncle Gary’s wooden horses. I have just finished a second short story called “A Gush of Wind and a Howl.” It is about a golden retriever named Apollo. He is based on Fireball. Emma and Lily, Uncle Gary’s dogs, are in it. 

LOVE,

G III